Sometimes it seems as if we’re giving too much love, that all the love we give doesn’t seem to be enough or even that the love we give is never recognized or appreciated.
That’s because there’s a difference between the intention of giving love and the manner in which we actually give it. Most of us simply act on our intention and give love the way we ourselves wish to receive it. We automatically apply our own perfect pictures without having eye for what another wants to receive. This makes us unconsciously selfish; in a way it’s about us, instead of about them, and they will likely experience it as such. That’s when the distance between us only becomes greater.
This can also distort our view on how others give their love to us, especially when it doesn’t fit what we want to receive. The others are likely projecting their own personal preferences onto us as much as we are projecting ours onto them. And as long as we are unaware of this, and of each others wishes, the gap between us only widens.
Loving someone doesn’t mean that we automatically connect. That bridge much be build, and once it’s constructed, it must be maintained. Only by talking to each other, and continuing to talk to each other, can we truly know what to give, and what to keep or stop giving. Honesty in this is of course crucial. It’s the only thing that can bring two sides closer together.
Understanding each other also prevents us from giving too much love, hoping that it may be returned. This often only leads to a further deterioration of the bonds between us. It may not be about the amount of love you give, but about with what you give it. Giving attention to someone who needs a moment to themselves is, for example, a sure way to further divide.
Distinguish your love from the methods through which you pass it on. They are merely the electricity lines between power stations, and we can relay them however we want. Stop identifying yourself with what you do. For love to thrive we must transform our personal set ways into shared patterns, or even continually reestablish or redefine the links between us.
|Jerry CorstensA visionary dreamer with a blind passion for self-reflection and contemplating life, a self-proclaimed philosopher with poetic ambitions. He’s serious about helping people with the insights he gathered, but playful in the way he communicates his wisdom. It made him leave a career as environmental engineer behind, in favor of becoming a personal development coach and thought-provoking writer.|