The Counter-Intuitive Answer
Love creates love. Pain creates pain. Neither of them ever goes unanswered.
The emotional pain we inflict, whether it’s done consciously or unconsciously, always seeks an outlet. Sometimes we hurt others and sometimes we hurt ourselves. And it’s that hurt that causes the love between us and the love for ourselves to diminish.
And in a state of diminished love, the urge to inflict pain becomes greater. We are then like empty batteries trying to recharge ourselves by stealing energy, after our own power was stolen from us in the first place.
Although this applies to single cases, the most dangerous situation is created when we find ourselves in a perpetual state of stealing energy. This may happen when we are nurtured into it, because former generations slowly grew into the habit.
Another dangerous situation occurs when we start hurting ourselves, rather than others. It calls into being a vicious circle of self-inflicted pain and self-loathing, which slowly picks up speed, but once it has reached momentum, can only be stopped when we consciously and decisively choose to spin the wheel the other way.
This self-inflicting pattern is, strangely enough, mostly adopted by people with a strong sense on conscience. They are hurt by the atmosphere of pain they live in, just like everybody else, but choose not to take it out on others; thus leaving themselves as the only targets available.
That’s why the most beautiful people (inner beauty wise) are often suffering the most in a world where relaying pain is common practice. They absorb the pain of others, because passing it on is not an option.
But all this happens on an unconscious level. Once we are aware of the process, we can begin to choose for the opposite pattern and begin to heal. In order to do that we must, instead of automatically choosing to pass on the pain, purposely choose to respond with love. Towards others, but also towards ourselves.
It’s the counter-intuitive answer that we need to keep applying in order for it to ripple through and slowly overtake any state of affliction we may find ourselves in.
And it’s not an easy answer. Although acting out of love onto itself is not more or less difficult than any other action, it’s the “going up against the way things are” that requires us to be vigilant.
But perhaps the most difficult part is to embrace a loving state of mind when you’re in a state of by-pain-incited intolerance or a state of self-perpetuated self-loathing. That truly requires a shift in consciousness, based on the understanding of this situation and the wish to turn it all around.
“The love for others and ourselves is a shield protecting us against the pains of the world. Once we are fortified by it, nothing can harm us.”
A philosophical dreamer with a passion for self-reflection and contemplating life. He’s serious about helping people with the insights he gathered, but playful in the way he communicates his wisdom. He left a career as environmental engineer behind, in favor of becoming a personal development coach and thought-provoking writer.