The Sequence of Events
There is a blind spot in our perception. We easily see what others do to us, but we seldom see what we do to others.
The reason for that is that what is done to us is felt by us. It’s therefore easy to enter our awareness. What we do to others is not felt by us and is therefore much harder to become conscious of. We need to actually think about it for us to realize it. And when most of our actions, and what they lead up to, go unnoticed by us, we seldom know what we do to the people around us.
But what we do always gets a response. Sometimes in the form of an immediate action, but often in the form of a delayed reaction or an overall change in attitude towards us. As a result, most retaliations seems to come out of nowhere, and that’s when it’s hard for us to see them as answers to our own actions.
But many maneuvers against us are actually born as a direct feedback to what we unknowingly do. They are our own deeds reflected back at us. But since we can’t see this, we often think the first strike is theirs. And in defense we often come with a counterattack, purely based on what we think others are doing to us. And that’s how endless loops of back and forth retribution come into existence. At our expense.
To break through this barrier of vicious circles we must look into the sequence of events. Always know that no deed is ever without preceding action. It’s either a direct feedback of something you did or an indirect feedback of something someone else did to the one who is doing something to you. Before you repay someone, think about the origin of the action. When it originated with you, take responsibility; when it originates somewhere else, don’t take it personal. In any case, try to break the endless chain of quid pro quo.
The best cause of action, in my experience, is to simply ask people about what they do and why they do it. Not only does this give them a chance to explain themselves, but it gives us a chance to learn about our own actions through the eyes of others. Next to contemplating our own deeds, this is a sure way to make up for the blind spot that exists in our perception.